17 (by Tom)

February 5 of seventeen years ago was a fateful day in the lives of many, some more than others. The day started with a snow storm that coated the valley floor with several inches of thick wet snow. Similarly snow iscoating the earth this day.

So here is my two bits of marriage wisdom that I have garnered over the last 17 years and how to make it last for another 17 or more. Unfortunately, it took about 17 years to figure it out.

It all starts last tuesday when I was watching the kids while Jenifer was busy patching up the unfortunate or the stupid. I was on a teleconference and cleaning up the kitchen while Isaac was watching sesame street. As luck would have it they really love to hear themselves talk and it the teleconference went over by 10 minutes. Clearly, 10 minutes is too long for Isaac the Destroyer to be alone. He imediately went into search and destroy mode. This is not really a problem because we have long since baby-proofed our house... But they still keep getting inside. Besides, I'm smarter than a 3 year old... (Insert clever response here.) Right, - anyway. The ominous quiet lures me back to the den of iniquity. Surprise, Isaac has found a bottle of acrylic paint which he has opened and applied generously to his pants, his shirt, his face, his hands, the walls the carpet, more walls and more carpet. Seriously?

The worst part was not the destroyed carpet and the $$$ flashing through my mind to replace. The worst part (and I am not exagerating one bit) is that I used the very last drop of paint to touch up the walls earlier that morning. The worst part was not that I would then spend the next considerable portion of my life attempting to remove various stains from my life. The absolute worst was, indeed, that it happened on my watch and that Jennifer would say "Why did you let him do that?"

Now, I just want to be clear that there was no "letting" him do anything. At the heart of the matter was the fact that I really messed up and now there was a disaster. I contemplated the possibility of closing the door and acting surprised when Jennifer discovered the bright orange designs. Probability of success - Low. Perhaps I could redecorate the whole room with little orange hand prints, puddles and smear streaks. (Low) Perhaps a rug for the floor and some posters at knee level for the walls. I could live with that decor... (medium) Perhaps I could run away and join the circus or sign up to become the first deep space astronaught to Neptune. (high) But instead I took the cowardly way out and scrubbed the walls, carpet, clothes and kids. Admittedly, it wasn't easy, the long hours toiling away with pruny hands and an aching back. Although the stains faded with the effort, there was no hiding the evidence that I had bungled.

Then the inevitable happened, Jennifer returned home. It was time to face the music (whatever that means). Time for her disappointment, disapproval and perhaps her annoyance and anger. I confessed my slackerwatchedness and allowed her to inspect the damage. What came next was quite a surprise. "Its hardly noticeable" she lied. Then she told me she loved me and asked if I had brought in the mail. It seems Jennifer is adept at patching up the unfortunate... or the stupid.

So the moral of the story and the secret for long marital bliss is not about untruthfulness or fetching the mail. It is about forgiving and loving and not sweating the small stuff like orange carpet. Its about recognizing what is not important and who is important. Its about working together and fixing mistakes and taking resposibility and NOT going to Neptune.

I still love Jennifer.

Tom